Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
