Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
