I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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