Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize