Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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