Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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