I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize