I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize