Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You are a genius and a whore.
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