saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
