You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
