im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
