the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
