I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
