um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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