I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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