i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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