Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
