dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize