at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
