I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
