So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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