Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize