are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
