let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
