i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize