I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
