I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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