Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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