I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
