Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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