it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
