i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
