I smell stomach acid.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
