I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize