Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
