We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
