I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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