You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
