so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
