12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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