Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize