And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
