so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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