There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
