i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
