your room smells of hookers.
And success
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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