her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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