ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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