just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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