I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
