Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
