I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
