Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
