she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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