He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize