i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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