So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
