I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
