Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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