How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
