Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
