How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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