I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
