Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
