toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
