one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
