I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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