TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
