omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
