i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize