No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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