last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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